The Cycle | February 20, 2013
>> let's do it again -- watch me. just like that one... [ male announcer ] the durability of the volkswagen passat . pass down something he will be grateful for.
>>> with the modern family of his own, they went looking for advice on how to manage the chaos within his plan, but he hasn't happen with what he found. rather than turning to traditional experts, he intrude creative thinkers including green ba rays and techies and the people behind abc's smash hit modern family. from that came the new and improved self-help book that includes more than 200 new tips to help families run easier, smoother, and happier. in the guest spot and at the table no less, columnist and best selling author wrote the secrets of happy families and improve your mornings and fight smarter and go out and play and much more. welcome.
>> great to be with you. and everybody else.
>> because i know you, i know that you are a man who likes to do things. you take action. you wanted to walk the bible. you walked the bible and wrote about it. you were diagnosed with cancer and wanted to think about how fatherly lessons were going to be passed down to your daughters and created a counsel of dads and wrote about it. what are the secrets and how did do you this?
>> the frustration as you mentioned, parents are frustrated. i wrote about happy families and i wanted one. the thing that the straight jackets can come from the improvement industry. they had new ideas and wanted to find out what the parents are doing and test them.
>> what is the green beret guide to the perfect family vacation?
>> we would have the family reunions and all the families retreated to separate corners. who is better than the military? they studied it for 50 years and what you need to do is make teams and different generations and nothing based on that and them. these teams, they have names and you are bringing people together. one of the things that the research is clear about, i'm looking at you because you are about to have your second child, parents should spend less time worrying about the bad things and more time on the good things. you make these positive memories, they outweigh the negative ones.
>> i guess you write about the value of teaching kids where they come from and take from an testers and try to keep those away from kids and try to gloss them over.
>> the more embarrassing, the more painful the better. this was the single most interesting thing. where your grand parents were born. somebody who had an illness they overcame. kid who is scored highest had the higher self esteem. it was the number one predictor of a child's well being. they have a sense they are part of a larger story. you want to tell not only your positive moments, but the difficult moments and how they overcame them. so when kids face their own inevitable hurdles, they have the confidence that my relatives got through it and i can too.
>> part of where the stories come from is family dinner. i remember those when the family grouped together. i know we would get a lot done with family bonding and spreading the family stories. why are you asking us to rethink family dinner? that is part of the whole family life ?
>> one thing we heard is family dinner is important. i had it growing up and it doesn't work in our schedules sometimes. my wife doesn't come home until 6:30. the news is better for parents. turns out only ten minutes of meaningful conversation at any meal. the rest is take your elbows off the table and pass the ketchup. you can take that and at any time of day have the benefit. have breakfast or meet for a bedtime snack or one meal on the weekends has benefits. we do it at work and with tv shows . you can time shift family dinners. you are forming the bond that will be helpful as your kids head out into the world.
>> this one is flying off the shelves and i'm so jealous. thanks so much for joining us. we are like our own dysfunctional family here on the cycle and our facebook friends are sharing family tips with us. a family must always be reminded to play nice even if you are convinced that one of you was brought to your house by a drunk stork. love the cycle.
>> a drunk stork. you know the deal. like us on facebook to join the conversation. up next, new details in the murder case against oscar pistorius . were steroids involved? we will have the latest, next.